Fire And Ice: The Piece About Israel & Palestine I Never Wanted To Write

I am writing these words almost against my will, knowing they will upset many loved ones.

For years, I have been observing diligent silence on the Israel / Palestine conflict.

I have profound love and respect for the Middle East. Rarely have I been in a part of the world that I feel so vibrant, powerful, rich. Peace in the Middle East is one of my definitions of Heaven on Earth. I pray that I get to live to see it.

With that said, my honest thoughts on the current conflict are likely to upset you, whatever your “opinion” on this conflict is.

Let me first say this: if you are currently in a situation where your life actually depends on picking a side in this conflict, everything I write may sound like BS to you. I cannot claim to even imagine the pain and fear that you’re experiencing. I don’t know what I would do in your situation. I can only extend my support, grief, and blessing to you, whichever side of the conflict you’re in.

But if instead, you are a European, Australian, American, or even Israeli/Palestinian that is relatively safe, that can afford the luxury to write and read while not in immediate life danger, then this text is written for you.

I understand that waking up to the news of what is happening in the Middle East can be heartbreaking. I understand that, whether your nightmares are about the child starvation in Gaza, the plight of the Israeli hostages, or both, you may feel that “enough is enough” and that it is time to stop this.

And yet, when your legitimate feelings, heartbreak, rage, despair, fear become opinions, when your language becomes some version of “everybody should see what I see, and if they don’t, they’re either dumb or inhuman,” you’ve completely lost me, and with respect, I will tell you, again and again: you will not drag me into your drama.

Look: even though I haven’t experienced firsthand the horrors of Gaza or Ukraine, I have been involved in my fair share of violent conflict.

I have spent many years fighting, proudly and vigorously, for “what was right.” I understand the activist mentality very well. I even believe that, in some contexts, this mentality is needed.

But I also see, with crystal clarity, that the activist, rallying mindset is just one way to see the world. And it’s far, very far from being the most healthy or supportive way to see the world.

And here is why:

The same righteousness that makes us rise in rightful anger and break the chains of our own enslavement—that same righteousness, when it is disassociated from actual, lived danger or suffering, can become a dangerous poison.

I’ve seen tens, if not hundreds, of humans slip – instantaneously! – from stalwart defender of the weak into preacher, bully, and in some cases, abuser.

You can believe it or not, but based on my firsthand experience of working with hundreds of people, this is how this works:

You see an injustice. You can’t bear feeling the feelings, so you form a crystallized opinion about it. You assign the roles of victim and persecutor. Then, your opinion becomes supercharged with emotion which, by the way, is largely vicarious. Meaning: you are not starving, or in immediate life danger, but you act as if you were. Your beautiful, human quality of empathy, spirals out of control and now shapes your world. Your language becomes full of “always” and “never.” The warmth of your emotion has become the ice-coldness of your unassailable opinion.

In short, you’ve entered the drama triangle with both feet, and no matter how clearly you know that this is a never-ending spiral, you say to yourself:

“This time it’s different.”

But it is not.

Do you think that those whom you call “persecutors” haven’t been victims before? Do you think they haven’t experienced legitimate suffering, at some point? Don’t you think that they also felt “this time is different”, and that this is precisely what turned them into oppressors?

My own experience of 20 years dealing with human shadows, leaves me with very little doubt.

From suffering, to opinions, to violence happening in our head, heart, and then potentially in our actions—it’s a slippery and quick slope.

Yes, sometimes going down that slope might be justified. If you’re being thrown in a basement cell, if your family is being attacked, then I’m not going to stand here preaching to you to stay with your emotions and breathe.

But if you’re furiously writing your social media pieces while sipping your matcha latte, then my sympathy stops there. You do not have a special right to turn your opinions into an absolute truth. You do not have a right to perpetuate the spiral of violence by casting judgment on who is the victim and who is the oppressor. Your feelings, your emotions, your naked and vulnerable truth, is what the whole world wants to hear. Not your political opinions, and certainly not your version of the Last Judgment.

To be honest, my critique of the latte-drinking social media pundits pales in comparison to the indignation I feel towards the shortsightedness and betrayal of humanity of so-called spiritual and religious leaders.

It’s bad enough when a common citizen gets possessed by a “truth” and stops being open to the other side (psychology 101: the side that’s repressed goes into the shadow where it festers, distorts, and becomes projection).

But it is appalling when those who become so one-sided are the imams, rabbis, or priests. These are the very people that, by their role and sacred calling, should be reminding all of us, again and again, that all humanity is One.

It is tragic that precisely those spiritual leaders spend hours preaching exactly the opposite: a one-sided, divisive, violent “truth” that perpetuates suffering with no end.

Is it really so difficult to see that those involved in conflicts, if you strip the layer of religion and other abstractions such as nationality away, are, actually, one and the same?

How on Earth is it possible that spiritual leaders from all sides are not doing their sacred duty of fostering understanding with “the enemy”?

A true Rabbi should preach love towards the Muslims. A true Imam, love towards the Jews.

This should be their ABSOLUTE priority and part of their sacred mission in society. Yet most, if not all these spiritual leaders have abandoned this mission. Why? Because they have allowed their own emotions and suffering to take hold of their minds and hearts.

Now, they use their pulpits to preach ethnic cleansing and sacred war, stoking the flames of emotions in the masses.

I am, I admit it, very angry at them.

And since our spiritual leaders have abandoned their mission, it is up to us to take a firm stand and NOT BE SWEPT by the vortex of our emotions.

And yes, I know, some of you will say:

“But not when children are starving”

“But not when innocent hostages are being kept captive”

And to that, I lovingly say … NO. It is precisely in these moments when it is imperative, urgent, and essential to use our tools, and move our emotions so that they DO NOT CRYSTALIZE INTO OPINIONS.

Emotions are warm, alive, pulsating.

Opinions are cold, exclusive, separating.

Never confuse the two!

Let me finish this piece with an anecdote that opened my eyes.

A couple of months ago, I was facilitating a weeklong training. The group wasn’t big, but among them, there were Israelis, Palestinians from the West Bank, as well as Russians and Ukrainians.

You might be curious to know: How much of our time was spent debating the painful conflicts of Israel-Palestine, or Russia-Ukraine?

The answer is: None.

As soon as these beings were provided with a space where they could feel and vibrate their feelings, and held to a collective agreement not to go into opinions or preach to each other…

Before you know it, they were dancing, crying and laughing together.

I am crystal clear: this is a blueprint for healing.

All the feelings – zero opinions.

This creates proximity and understanding. This can create peace.

Emotions, when owned and expressed, bear the warmth of Life.

Opinions, when hardened and crystallized, bear the coldness of Death.

May this all serve.

R.

P.S. Because of the nature of this post, I will erase any comment that is overtly, absolutely pro this or that side. No exceptions made..

I will enthusiastically welcome any expression of emotions – grief, pain, joy, hope – from any side of these painful conflicts.