I took a deep breath, gathered all my forces, looked into her eyes, and spilled it all out.
“I feel insecure, vulnerable and damn jealous—and helpless. And I love you.”
It was probably the first time that I managed to express my jealousy, my helplessness and my love, all at once, without trying to fight or run away. My heart felt brittle and vulnerable—and after saying those words, as she silently reached out and embraced me, it cracked open.
Fear, insecurity, jealousy…all melted away in pure surrender and love.
Our reactions under intense jealousy normally fall into one of two categories. The first one is a compulsive desire to see our partner, ask dozens of questions, demand promises, and expect apologies. We may want to meet our partners as soon as possible and never let them go, for fear that they won’t come back.
Our heart is brittle and vulnerable, and we try to mend it through external reassurance and validation.
The second typical reaction is exactly the opposite: we become distant and cold. If we meet our lover, we try talking to them rationally and from a distance. We don’t want to be touched, let alone be affectionate or sexual, until the jealousy attack has subsided. Our heart, of course, is still brittle and vulnerable, but this time we try to protect it by putting an armor of ice around it.
Image: Nadia Morgan/Flickr