Introduction
Second introduction.
Three phases of relationships.
According to Deida, we can pinpoint three main phases in the evolution of relationships and, at the same time, of the individuals that participate in them. Deida calls these three phases the Dependence Relationship, the 50/50 Relationship, and the Intimate Communion. Roughly summarized, in the Dependence Relationship the two partners are dependent on each other for emotional and financial support, and they tend to fall into tight gender-based roles that often end up limiting them. This corresponds to the kind of intimacy that most of us have experienced or seen in the “old-style” couples, and many of us would like to evolve past this stage. In the 50/50 Relationship, a big evolutionary shift happens both in the couple and in the individuals. Here, partners try to become “whole” by themselves, cultivating the Feminine or Masculine aspects that they would otherwise look for in their lovers. The old gender stereotypes are replaced by a condition of mutual respect, shared responsibilities, and cooperative partnership. It is obvious that this second stage of intimacy represents a huge improvement over the Dependence Relationship; however, Deida’s fundamental intuition is that this kind of equality can leave many of us dissatisfied in our emotional core. If we have a more “balanced” or Neutral sexual essence, then this second stage of relationship might work very well for us; however, if our essence is more strongly polarized towards the Masculine or Feminine end of the spectrum, we will probably feel that this balanced relationship leaves us yearning for more. Why ? According to Deida, since a 50/50 Relationship is built by reducing the differences between the more Masculine and the more Feminine person, the polarity between the partners will inevitably decrease. It may seem paradoxical, but even though we strive to obtain equality in all aspects of our relationships, the intimate, sexual connection thrives when we enhance our differences.
For this reason, this book is dedicated to a third way of approaching relationships: the Intimate Communion. In it, having acquired the necessary strength and independence through a phase of 50/50 Relationship, partners are ready to embrace and honor their differences and to give each other their unique gift, according to their peculiar sexual essence – strongly Masculine, strongly Feminine, or more Neutral. The Masculine, for instance, is usually very focused, directional, and able to do one thing at a time; he can gift his Feminine partner by offering support, direction, and stability. The Feminine, on the contrary, is usually flowing, and radiant , and likes to savor life in all its subtle details. She can gift her Masculine partner by bringing him out of the mind, back into the dance of life, by nurturing and inspiring him and offering radiance to his otherwise dry and schematic life.
I don’t agree – it’s possible to have 50/50 and then IC in the intimacy.
Sexual substitutes.